646 20
It’s hard to open up and show others our emotions. If you grew up in an environment where sharing how you felt was not safe (ridiculed, ignored, suppressed, manipulated), those feelings continue to travel through life in our gut trying to keep us safe. We shy away from the tears, anger, shame, guilt that life brings to us because somewhere along in our growth, we learned that these feelings are weaknesses.
Great philosophers like Descartes, Plato, and Kant had all shared the same theory: To be rational, one must keep all emotions suppressed and out of the rationalization process. As time would tell, they were proved wrong with the pivotal case of a man whose brain tumour extraction left him without emotions. He lost his job that he once excelled at, his family whom he once loved, all of his money in a shady business scheme, and then was denied disability assistance.
It would found that because his emotions were effectively void in his decision-making process, his value system left his life hopelessly flat. His joy from work, love of family, and well-placed value of money were all out of the question, therefore leaving all possible outcomes of equal value. (full article: https://www.thecut.com/2016/06/how-only-using-logic-destroyed-a-man.html)
Why is this relevant to emotional intelligence? it’s clear: all decisions are not equal. all experiences do not hold the same value in their outcome, and trying to avoid feelings in hopes to make the most informed decision is a futile attempt at avoiding the possible pain that can come with vulnerability. The pain will always be there, but it is a pain of awareness that comes with being alive. We risk pain for a chance at happiness, love, joy, and connection. Don’t be afraid of the negative outcomes of failed attempts at these things — be afraid of not trying at all.
