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“Thank you, I am grateful for these circumstances.” — a mental statement that took me by surprise as I was completing my afternoon yoga meditation today. .
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I haven’t felt my normal self in a while, and I know a lot of it has to do with SAD but this was a different funk that I couldn’t solve with vitamins and exercise (which, as you already know, is my cure for everything). From panic attacks, to sleep paralysis, to fog lasting several days at a time, and a general sense of cynicism, needless to say I was struggling to get a grip on my rapidly fluctuating emotions. At some point I fell into a loop of forcing myself to push hard at the gym, staying caffeinated through the fog, and pushing aside my anxiety-induced tears for work, but it just wasn’t working. I felt a deep sense of self-betrayal living this way. .
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In some paradoxical way, the panic we’re experiencing as a society brought me OUT of this state to just... breathe. I focused more on slower, meditative flows than big HIITs. I focused on slowing down to speak beautiful words to myself as I gently danced through vinyasa, and I reminded myself that being grateful will literally boost serotonin. So, through all the madness of inconclusive medical results, balancing mental and physical health, and staying calm through a societal panic, I found myself thanking God for putting me here now, and for being present in this moment. Letting go of fear brought me to a state of clarity and gentleness once again. I won’t stay in this state forever, but I am so grateful for this moment.
