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This photo was taken three years ago after a synchronistic meeting in a park in LA with @panasphoto and although I was living a physical dream come true at the time, I was also grieving deeply inside. I was shattered from losing and had recently suffered a nervous breakdown, in public, so severe that I needed help to physically walk. It’s funny that most people would look at this photo and think what an ego maniac or how strong and confident I appear, when in reality, I felt like a discarded loser and was trying to learn to let go of what had once been my life or what I thought was my life. It was the beginning of a long spiritual journey of transformation that didn’t end when I finally came home 9 months later. People appeared out of nowhere, magically guiding me along, offering company, advice, escape, hope, inspiration, essentially the medicine I needed at that precise moment in time. I stayed open and observant. It took a long while to finally come to terms with my new reality, rewire my mind for growth, the ego being such a tricky little beast. But one thing I was always good at was being grateful for whatever I did have and not focus on what I didn’t. I’m a grand optimist and I used that attribute to my advantage, telling myself tiny little lies that I would cling to because I wasn’t strong enough to face the whole reality. But bit by bit I let go of it, until there was nothing left but the entire naked truth staring me down, and I eventually realized I was ok with that. It took years to get there. I haven’t arrived, I don’t think you ever do, you just keep doing the work and finding more peace and joy with every passing day. Like cold plunging or a hard mindful run, your instinct is to fight the uncomfortable, to give up, to turn back, but if you can train yourself to keep breathing into it, eventually befriending it with a smile from the inside, I’m telling you, the dividends keep compounding. Anyway, this is just a little reminder that healing takes time, there are no shortcuts,
gratitude is gospel and to never judge anyone till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. #liveyourtruth #vanlifediaries #gratitude #growthmindset #dothework #stayunbounded
